There’s a moment that happens after every win.
You’ve just accomplished something real. Something that took effort, courage, skill. But instead of celebrating, you’re already downplaying it in your head.
Someone asks about it, and you hear yourself say: “Oh, it’s not that big of a deal.”
Someone compliments you, and you deflect: “Anyone could have done it.”
You think about sharing it on social media, and your stomach tightens. What if people think I’m bragging? What if I’m too much?
So you stay quiet. You stay small. You tell yourself it’s humility.
But here’s what I’ve learned: this isn’t humility. It’s hiding.
And if you’re doing it, there’s nothing wrong with you! There are deep, valid reasons why claiming your success feels dangerous. Let me show you what I mean.
The pattern: what hiding your wins looks like
This shows up everywhere.
You update your LinkedIn with a new role, then immediately delete the celebratory caption you wrote.
You land a big win at work, but when your partner asks how your day was, you say “fine” and change the subject.
You scroll Instagram and see someone else sharing their success. You feel a strange mix of inspiration and discomfort. You think: I could never post like that.
You celebrate your friends loudly. You hype them up without hesitation. But when it comes to you? Silence.
If this is you, you’re not alone. I see this in so many brilliant women. You’ve built something real. You’ve grown. You’ve succeeded. But claiming it out loud feels like breaking an unspoken rule.
So where did that rule come from? And who does it serve?
Why visibility feels dangerous
I’ve been reluctant to show what I’ve accomplished. For years. And I realized there were three deep reasons why.
1. Cultural conditioning around success
In French culture, success has long been viewed with suspicion. If you succeeded, people assumed you must have cheated or done something shady. Success was something to be ashamed of, not celebrated.
Maybe you didn’t grow up in France. But I bet you absorbed messages about success too.
Maybe in your family, standing out was dangerous. Maybe success meant you were “getting too big for your britches.” Maybe you learned that good people don’t brag. Maybe you saw successful women called names: aggressive, bossy, showy, too much.
The truth: We don’t just individually decide to hide. We inherit scripts about what’s safe to claim and what’s not...
2. The cultural value of humility and restraint
I’m half Japanese, and there’s a cultural concept called enryo : humility, restraint, not speaking loudly, not showing off. It’s about holding back out of consideration and modesty.
Maybe you learned this too, in different words:
- “Don’t get too full of yourself”
- “Stay humble”
- “Let your work speak for itself”
- “Good things come to those who wait quietly”
And humility is beautiful. But somewhere along the way, humility became silence. Restraint became invisibility.
There’s a difference between humility and hiding. Humility says: I’m human, I’m learning, I’m not perfect. Hiding says: I’m not allowed to take up space.
3. Fear of the evil eye (superstition and protection)
I have Jewish heritage, and there’s a Yiddish expression: kein ayin hara—no evil eye. The belief that talking about your good fortune attracts jealousy, harm, bad luck. So you stay quiet to stay safe.
Maybe you don’t call it the evil eye. But maybe you’ve felt this:
- If I claim this, something bad will happen
- If I celebrate too much, I’ll jinx it
- If people see me winning, they’ll come for me
- Visibility feels like a target on your back
This is protection mode. And it makes sense. Historically, for many of us, visibility was dangerous. Being seen meant being targeted. So we learned: stay small, stay safe.
But here’s what I want you to ask yourself: Is that still true? Are you still in danger? Or are you living in outdated protection?
So yeah. French suspicion of success. Japanese restraint. Jewish superstition. A pretty strong combo.
But I’m sharing this because I want you to think about your combo. What did you inherit? What messages are you still living by?
Because once you see the conditioning, you can start to question it.
The cost of staying hidden
So what happens when you keep hiding?
- The right people don’t find you (because they don’t know you exist)
- Your work doesn’t reach the people who need it
- You stay stuck at the same level because you’re not claiming the next one
- You watch others with less experience get the opportunities you’re qualified for
- You feel resentful, invisible, unseen
- You disconnect from your own wins because you’re not allowed to acknowledge them
- You teach your kids (if you have them) that success is something to hide
The truth: Staying invisible doesn’t keep you safe. It keeps you stuck.
I realized: I can’t guide you toward confidence and visibility if I’m hiding. I can’t tell you to own who you are if I’m not willing to own what I’ve built.
So I made a choice. I’m going to show you what’s possible. Not to brag. Not to perform. But to show you it’s possible.
And I want you to ask yourself: What would be possible if you let yourself be seen?
5 tools to start claiming your wins
Here’s how to start owning your success without guilt:
- Tool 1: Name the conditioning
- Write down the messages you inherited about success and visibility.
- What did your family teach you about standing out?
- What did you learn about women who claim their success?
- What are you afraid will happen if you’re visible?
Once you see the script, you can start rewriting it.
- Tool 2: Reframe what claiming your wins actually is
- Old belief: Sharing my success is bragging.
- New belief: Sharing my success is showing others what’s possible.
You’re not performing. You’re not showing off. You’re giving permission. You’re lighting the path.
Practice saying this: “I’m not bragging. I’m claiming what I built. And I’m allowed to be proud.”
- Tool 3: Start small, practice visibility in safe spaces
- You don’t have to post your biggest win on LinkedIn (or else) tomorrow. Start here:
- Tell a friend about something you’re proud of without minimizing it
- When someone compliments you, just say “thank you” (don’t deflect)
- Share one win in a journal and let yourself feel proud
- Post something small and let it sit without deleting it
Visibility is a practice. You build the muscle.
- Tool 4: Ask yourself: who am I serving by staying small?
When you hide your wins, who benefits?- Not you.
- Not the people who need your work.
- Not your future clients, readers, or community.
- The only thing that benefits is the old conditioning. The fear. The protection that’s no longer serving you.
Reframe: Owning your success isn’t selfish. Hiding it is.
Because the world needs what you’ve built. And they can’t find it if you won’t claim it.
- Tool 5: Separate performing from owning
Performing = curating a highlight reel to prove your worth
Owning = acknowledging what you’ve done without needing external validation
You’re not trying to convince anyone. You’re stating a fact: I did this. I’m proud. Moving on.
Practice: What’s one thing you’ve accomplished that you’ve been hiding? Now say it out loud: “I did [thing]. And I’m proud of it.” Feel how that lands in your body.
You’ve done incredible things. And you don’t owe anyone smallness.
The conditioning is real. The fear is real. But so is what you’ve built.
And the people who need you? They’re looking for you. But they can’t find you if you’re hiding.
You’re allowed to claim your wins. You’re allowed to be visible. You’re allowed to be proud.
A Final Invitation & reflection
What’s one win you’ve been hiding? And what would it feel like to finally claim it?
Ready to build this kind of confidence? If you want support owning your wins and stepping into visibility, check out my programs designed for exactly this. See coaching here and explore how we can work together.
PS: If this landed deep? listen to The Stripped Podcast (this is episode #29).
